


don’t you give this up

by beware_of_you



Series: only love [8]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, Flashback, and sad, but its sad, but it’s sad, did i mention this is sad, i can’t let them be happy quite yet, it’s important for these two to be open and talk about their feelings ffs, it’s so soft, i’m sorry i’m v mean, reid and garcia are the best of best friends, the chapter they finally get their shit together, there’s no bottling up v important feelings in this fic, they’re gay and v deeply in LOVE, they’re in love ur honor, things go to shit quickly, vulnerable emily!!!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25723120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beware_of_you/pseuds/beware_of_you
Summary: emily has a hard time accepting jj’s state department transfer
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Series: only love [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838533
Comments: 3
Kudos: 51





	don’t you give this up

**Author's Note:**

> uh,,,,, this is sad i’m v sorry n it don’t rly get much better

_JJ clambers slowly down the staircase, exhaustion painted all over her features. She stops halfway down the staircase when she spots Emily in the living room. Her stomach rumbles at the delicious smells wafting off the food that must be in the bag on the table._

_She nearly burst into grateful tears at the small gesture. She does her best to take care of Henry, to make sure his life is healthy and happy that often times she neglects herself in the process._

_Henry's a good kid, always adapting to her schedule and never giving her a hard time. He ate his fruits and vegetables with no problem, always played innocently with his toys and took his baths without complaint. She never once had ever had to chase him down to get a foreign object from his mouth (because he never put anything small that wasn't food anywhere near his face), has never had to beg him to keep his clothes on, or compromise with him in public (he doesn't throw tantrums often). Honestly, he's the easiest child in the world to take care of and JJ couldn't be more thankful._

_Even though she had recently become better at balancing her needs and Henry's (she's definitely shaken off the first time mom jitters by this point, has become confident in how she cares for her child and how she balances work life and home life), she sometimes gets so wrapped up in other issues to remember her own needs. It's heartwarming to know that she has Emily in her corner, that Emily is still watching out for her well being when she often puts her own needs on the back burner._

_She can always count on Emily._

_Emily turns on the couch, smile wide and brilliant as she greets the blonde. "Honey, I'm home."_

_"You're a god sent, I swear," JJ says emotionally, going over to the couch and tackling the older woman in a hug, stuffing her face at the crook of her neck._

_Emily chuckles breathlessly, squeezing the blonde's waist. "Someone has to make sure you're eating," she teases as they both pull away from the hug._

_"I'm glad it's you," JJ replies honestly, mouth watering at the tantalizing aromas wafting from the bag. Upon closer inspection, the opaque white bag has a blue circle logo, simple illustration of a city line bordered by soft flowing waves. The name Gordon's is printed in an elegant, yet legible, font just below the logo._

_Gordon's was a seafood restaurant that sat smack on the waterline of the Chesapeake Bay. JJ hadn't been at all familiar with the place until Rossi had joined the BAU. It was exclusive, somewhere way too expensive for her to ever justify eating there except on special occasion. Rossi had taken the team there a few weeks after settling into his new place on the team. He had easily gotten them a table in a private lounge (because, of course, Rossi knew the owner). The food was divine, easily the freshest and tastiest seafood JJ had ever eaten before in her life. The team had gone a handful of times to the restaurant since their initial visit, but haven't been in almost a year._

_Emily pulls out a few containers from the bag carefully, setting down another small bag and some sturdy silverware on the coffee table. Inhaling once more has JJ in threat of actually drooling, confirming her suspicions. Emily had gotten them both a helping of the seafood stew. It's not the most fancy thing Gordon's has on the menu, but it's easily JJ's favorite. Fish stock based broth that's tinted an ivory white from the cream that's added in, littered with fresh herbs and spices, chunks of fresh, succulent seafood straight from the Bay with a sprinkling of potatoes and carrots that soak up the broth like sponges. By the look of things, Emily also got an extra helping of the restaurant's handmade biscuits that are absolutely drenched in butter._

_It's far from a healthy meal, but it's hearty, certainly perfect for a cold day like today._

_"You're incredible!" JJ says in awe, leaning over and planting a light kiss on Emily's cheek. It's become a common gesture between the two ever since they almost kissed after that girl's night a few weeks ago. JJ's convinced that was just a fluke, that both their emotions were running high and that it was a one time occurrence. They hadn't talked about that night, and nothing really has changed between them except sometimes they occasionally give each other a kiss on the cheek, but even then it's rare. Besides, the gesture just explains how much JJ appreciates Emily without words._

_Emily's answering smile to the gesture is blinding, makes the butterflies in JJ's stomach go absolutely wild and her cheeks burn like a shy teenager's, but she's able to return the smile easily._

_"I got you," the older agent promises, standing from the couch and going over to JJ's wine rack. With a concentrated frown, she turns back to the blonde. "You're supposed to have white wine with seafood, right?"_

_A small giggle bubbles its way from JJ's mouth, her shoulders shrugging in response. "I honestly have no clue," she admits, thinking about it only briefly. "Probably, though. It's used in seafood dishes."_

_Emily snorts lightly at the logic, grabbing a random bottle and two glasses by their thin stems. "You think with the amount of cooking shows we watch, we would know this by now," she jokes, setting the glasses down on two coasters she slides beside their respected containers._

_"Wait, we're supposed to pay attention to how they actually cook the food?" JJ replies in mock surprise, grinning when Emily laughs lightly as she pours them each a glass of wine. "I can make a mean Kraft mac and cheese."_

_Emily sits at the opposite end of the couch after setting the wine bottle down, smiling wide. "Hey, it's more than I can do."_

_They eat in relative silence, only flipping on the TV across the room for some soft background noise. Though occasionally, their attention is drawn to the movie on the screen. It's a televised showing of The Blindside, a movie JJ's seen a billion times before. Honestly, the reason she was even interested in the first place (and probably why the movie still even piques her interest) is how stunning Sandra Bullock looks throughout the entire film._

_Though, Sandra Bullock pales significantly to Emily in JJ's eyes. She finds herself watching the older agent more than the television screen, entranced by her sharp, angular features, jawline only emphasized when looking at her side profile. Her fingers are long and nimble, powerful enough to take down an unsub twice her size in hand to hand combat but so soft and gentle against JJ's own._

_Emily's lips are easily her favorite. Light pink and plump, she has to force herself to look away several times when she watches them wrap around the spoon, on the edge of the wine glass because all she wants is to feel them pressed against hers, against her skin and—_

_JJ reaches out and grabs her wine glass, gulping down a significant amount to distract herself, to stop her mind from wondering too far down the gutter. Instead, she thinks about her favorite thing about Emily (and, okay, maybe everything about Emily is her favorite, but shut up), but her favorite part of Emily is definitely her eyes._

_Warm, almost hazelnut brown irises that express so much emotion. Emily's eyes light up when she talks to JJ, hold so much adoration for her and Henry it hurts. They hold so much secrets, are so guarded to hide around everyone at the BAU, to shut them out, but not from JJ. No, never from JJ. Which is why it's concerning that the normally expressive, bright eyes she's so used to seeing are completely dull and closed off as they eat on her couch._

_JJ's stomach twists nervously, but she doesn't press, doesn't ask what's wrong because she knows it's not the right time to talk about it. Not now, at least. She knows Emily knows that she can always talk to her, that's been established since Tobias Hankel and the barn of man-eating dogs. Emily's too guarded, and even around JJ, sometimes it takes a while for her to open up. So, JJ waits, turns back to the TV and dips a biscuit into the stew, chews on it and takes forever to swallow because it feels like glue in her mouth._

_An hour and a half and two more glasses of wine down between the two of them and they still haven't talked. Dinner has been cleaned up, leftovers put away and the women changed into more comfortable clothes: JJ in a long t-shirt and short shorts while Emily simply opts for a pair of JJ's sweats._

_They're pressed together on the couch, covered in a blanket. The Blindside is still playing on the TV because, with commercials, it's nearly three hours long but they've long since stopped paying attention to the movie. It's still only to fill the silence in the room. JJ's curled up in Emily's arms, their legs twined together in a mass of tangled limbs (and while JJ normally would find herself as a big spoon, she's not going to complain about the one being cuddled). Emily's arm is slender, but strong around her midsection, her cheek pressed on the top of JJ's head comfortably. Their hands are intertwined under the covers, simply basking in each other's presence._

_JJ's almost afraid to speak up, to break this blissful bubble they've wrapped themselves up in. But something is still bothering Emily. She can feel her tense muscles, the random finger movements against her side are distracted, hesitant and slow. Swallowing audibly, head still resting against Emily's chest, JJ finally speaks up. "Are you okay?"_

_Emily's fingers still at her side, her body tensing slightly under the blonde's at the question. "I know something's wrong," JJ continues softly. "I can always tell, Em."_

_Emily's silent for a moment, a soft sigh escaping her mouth. "I'm happy for you," she starts quietly. "For the job offer. It'll be good for you to be home more with Henry." A breathless, short chuckle. "I meant it when I said you were too good. The best of the best. I'm surprised more units haven't asked for you sooner."_

_JJ's breath hitches, her lips pressing briefly in a flat line._

_She's not entirely pleased about her transfer from the BAU to State Department. In fact, she had adamantly refused the offer when Strauss had told her about the position in the first place. She liked her position at the BAU, loved working with everyone on the team, liked how close they all were. It's part of why they did work so well together. They were like a family, and JJ would be damned to be the one to break up their family._

_It never did do anyone any good to say no to Erin Strauss._

_JJ had found that out the hard way when the section chief had cornered her weeks after the initial offer, practically waving the paperwork for the transfer in her face. This time, Strauss didn't take no for an answer and JJ didn't have a choice._

_In a split second, her transfer had been confirmed, and she was only with the BAU for a few more days after that. Today was actually her last day, a bittersweet feeling. No one wanted JJ to go, herself included, but her fate inevitably fell in Strauss's hands. The blonde's tried to make positives out of it: she'd be seeing Henry a lot more often, her hours would be more set and her pay rate was a few cents higher than at the BAU. Overall, though, she's none too pleased about having been practically forced from the unit._

_She gives Emily's fingers a gentle squeeze anyway, because she's grateful that someone else is trying to be optimistic about her transfer. It makes things a bit easier, makes her feel a little less angry about everything. Still, Emily's holding back, like there's more she wants to say._

_"But?" JJ presses gently._

_Emily's exhale is shaky, makes the blonde lift her head from her chest and look up at her face. The older agent is trying to remain impassive, but JJ can see tears in her eyes, see past a barely composed mask of indifference._

_"I'm really going to miss you," Emily finally croaks, staring across into the blonde's kitchen instead of at her face._

_"I'm still going to be in the city. You can still come over as much as you like," JJ murmurs as a reassurance, bringing up her free hand to gently stroke the older woman's cheek. "Henry and I will still love your company all the same."_

_"I know. I know," Emily whispers, turning her face and pressing her lips firmly into JJ's palm. Stray tears fall and hit the back of the blonde's hand. "It's just going to be so different without you." She shakes her head slightly. "I'm sure Ashley's great, and that she'll do a great job but she's..." She swallows audibly, voice raw and vulnerable. "She's not you."_

_JJ's thumb strokes across Emily's cheek soothingly, their fingers squeezed together tightly._

_"Sometimes, I swear it's you that keeps me sane during the worst cases," Emily admits in a tiny voice, finally looking over at the younger woman. Their faces are close, mere inches apart. When she continues to speak, her voice is barely above a whisper. "There's a selfish part of me that doesn't want to lose you."_

_JJ's thumb traces just over Emily's lips, a soft, tender movement that has the older woman briefly closing her eyes. When they open again, the blonde finally responds. "You still have me," she promises thickly. "You've always had me."_

_Then, she closes the gap between them._

_The kiss is soft, light and gentle, JJ's lips barely brushing Emily's. She's hesitant at first, only fully committing to the kiss when the older woman kisses her back._

_Her palm moves to cup the back of Emily's neck, thumb stroking the back of her head lovingly, Their lips mold perfectly together like perfect puzzle pieces, like this was meant to be. Emily's lips are slightly chapped, but soft against her own. They taste slightly salty because of the older woman's tears, breath a mix of sweet minty from toothpaste and the signature fruity mints she always carries with her._

_JJ's breath shudders, puffs out against Emily's lips at the emotion behind the kiss, behind her words. "Stay," she breathes out between kisses, not caring how needy the statement comes out._

_In response, Emily pulls her back in, sucks her lower lip into her mouth, completely melting when the blonde whimpers in response to the action. "You have me."_

_They spent the night pressed firmly against each other in JJ's bed, exchanging series of small, loving kisses with each other until they both fall asleep._

_They become even closer after that night, Emily practically coming over every day after work to be with JJ and Henry. The blonde is still adjusting to her role at the State Department, but she's managing just fine, From what Emily tells her, the BAU is doing okay, too, which is good to hear._

_Their relationship is different: they don't hold back on each other anymore, are affectionate with each other after Henry's in bed because this is still new and Emily respects JJ's choices. She stays over with them every other night, spend her nights cuddled into JJ's side and waking her up every morning with a kiss. It's blissfully domestic, something JJ had always wanted. She felt like everything in her life had fallen into place, that, for once, everything was perfect._

_A month later, Emily stops coming over without warning._

_She doesn't answer JJ's calls or texts. She doesn't even come over during girl's night. Garcia's just as confused as JJ is, but never supplies her friend with any answers she's looking for because she doesn't have them (apparently, she had been distancing herself at the BAU as well)._

_It's completely out of the blue, completely unexpected and absolutely devastating. It's also confusing because this isn't like Emily at all. Emily doesn't do this. She's never done this before. Never with her, at least._

_The thought just makes her even more upset._

_JJ marches on, tries not to let it completely crush her for Henry's sake._

_Penelope and Spence come over a lot. They've always been huge help with Henry, but significantly step up when Emily stops showing up. They make sure JJ's eating, make sure she's doing okay._

_One time over dinner, while she's picking at the salad on her plate, she hears Spencer say the name "Lauren Reynolds", how Emily kept repeating that this Lauren was dead during the work day, and just how strange her behavior was._

_JJ's attention is drawn to the young genius, who seemed genuinely confused about the name, about Emily's reaction towards it. Garcia had shrugged it off, saying that Emily was a secret person and that maybe Lauren was a friend that had died a long time ago and that maybe, just maybe, the anniversary of that death was coming up. The technical analyst had even gone as far to search up the name in her extensive data bases and several newspaper articles about a horrible car crash in Rome only confirm her theory._

_The name bounces around JJ's skull like a bouncy ball, sticks with her for weeks after. Spencer was right. Emily's reaction was odd. Why would she keep repeating the mantra over and over again if Lauren Reynolds was merely a friend that had passed? No, it ran deeper than that. It had to._

_Before JJ can dive into the mystery of Lauren Renolds, she's being thrown into private meetings with head of the State Department and told that the job she thought she was assigned to was a complete ruse. She wasn't even given a chance to process this information, quickly making a call to her mother, telling her that she has to keep Henry for a while because she's going on an extended business trip and she has no idea how long it will be or when she'll be back._

_She can't even give her mother details of what exactly she's doing (even if she had an inkling as to what she was going to do, the contracts she's been signing in the meetings prevent her from uttering a peep to anyone)._

_She barely has a chance to say goodbye to Henry. She's only given a few hours with him before she has to drop him off with her mother and head off to a private airport just outside the city._

_Before she can even blink, Jennifer Jareau is being carted off to an army base in Afghanistan. Lauren Reynolds' name quickly being replaced with Integrity, the mission name drilled into her brain like it's been branded there. She finds herself further away from Henry than the BAU had ever taken her._

_She's soon diving headfirst into a new series of horrors she would had never even begun to imagine she would ever face and hiding secrets she never knew she would ever have to keep._


End file.
